Let’s be real, Mom guilt is a B*tch. Whether you’re a working mom, stay at home mom, single mom, we all get the Mom guilt. We all feel like we can be doing better, should be doing more and trying a little harder. But why? When the reality is we are already doing a kick ass job.
Momming is so f&#@*#^ hard! There are days it can feel like we are killing it and other days …um… not so much. Why are we SO hard on ourselves? What makes us feel like we constantly need to be doing more?
Why is there so much noise around parenting?
Is it social media, Pinterest, our parents, our mom-friends or even just ourselves? Who is it that’s putting all this pressure on us and how do we stop it dead in its tracks? Why do we think we are never enough?
Heaven forbid we take a second for ourselves. A workout, a cup of coffee with our friend, a lunch date WITHOUT the kids…then we start to think, am I a bad mother? The guilt questions pop in our head. You didn’t want to take the kids with you? You didn’t want to stay home with them?
How about going shopping for YOURSELF. What!!! Immediately the thoughts… “You didn’t want to spend that money on ANOTHER onesie?!! What about buying more baby shoes they will outgrow by next week?”
We think to ourselves, “when did this happen?”
I never thought a trip to the grocery store alone, would be a luxury. It is now something I look forward to when my Husband is home and to be honest, I need it. Shopping in silence is something I now crave.
But does this Mom guilt make us a bad Mother? No. The fact you’re even reading this article shows you care and you already are an amazing Mama. So how do we take a deep breath, relax and STOP the Mom guilt?
Here are some ways to not lose your $h!t:
Rely on Your Friends
Be the one to call. Be the one to invite. Don’t keep tabs, if you want the friendship it shouldn’t matter who called last. We can get so caught up in the thought of not wanting to bother the person or thinking they’re not going to care about what we have to say… when they need us just as much as we need them. We are all going thru this crazy thing called life and can use as much support as possible. Speaking and venting about our struggles can benefit everyone. We are not alone. Let’s face it Motherhood can feel so lonely at times so having your tribe is crucial.
Know You are Already Their World
The only opinion that should matter most to you is that of your little one and guess what… you are already their entire WORLD. This is something I must constantly remind myself because I assume my baby feels what I feel. Not true. I can be so stressed but then I look down at my baby girl and she just smiles at me. She’s not stressed, she’s happy and loving every minute no matter how dirty the house is or how long that laundry basket has been sitting on the floor. Who cares!
Get Out
Change your environment and just get out. Its not only good for you but good for your kids too. This can help to make you not feel alone. Going to a park, the mall, joining a play group, whatever, just do it. You will find yourself chatting with other moms and connecting with the outside world. Keep the diaper bag ready to go so it helps getting out easier. As a Mom of two under two it can feel like such a chore to get out of the house but it’s so worth it. Throw some clothes on them and leave. You will come back home so refreshed.
Just Stop & Play
Stop worrying about the laundry. Stop worrying about the mess. Those things will always be there. Just stop and play. The guilt of knowing our babies won’t be babies for long is sad enough. Put the guilt of not being the perfect housekeeper aside. Get on the floor and play with your babies. Act like a kid for a little bit, it can help. I try to do this at least once a day where I just say forget everything that needs to get done on my list and just play.
Treat Yo’Self
Whatever the treat is for you, just do it. Whether your treat is an extra workout this week, getting your nails done, or something as special as a weekend away with the girls, do it. Taking care of yourself will ultimately make you better for your kids. Do it and don’t feel guilty for it. If you don’t take care of yourself both mentally and physically, then how can you take care of the ones that rely on you most?
Determine Your Plan of Action
Gaining control of your days is key. Plan out what you want to conquer this week and set one realistic expectation for each day. Being realistic is key here so you’re not setting yourself up for failure and even more mom guilt. I like to create my list for the week on Sundays. Make it VERY basic and set a plan of action to get them done. Write them down and conquer them. I don’t know about you but my notes section in my phone is my bible. This also helps clear my head of my rolling list of to do’s.
Disconnect to Connect
Ever catch yourself looking at your phone too much? We’re all guilty of this whether we are checking our email, texting or looking at social media. Social media can be such an anxiety inducer. Looking at what others are doing on Instagram and thinking of what you’re not doing? This can cause unnecessary guilt. As a blogger that relies on social media it can be especially hard for me to disconnect but I make it a priority. I like to put my phone on “Do not disturb” and put it on the charger so it’s tied to the wall and I can’t bring it to the playroom with me. This helps me connect better with my little ones and be present in the moment.
